Just came back from chinese encounter, wanted to write this up just now, but went to sleep. Shouldn't be here now, work tomorrow...
I've got a list of thanksgiving as long as my arm, so bear with me a little while k?
The little things
I got this luxury suite the first night, only 2 persons in a room WITH aircon AND an attached bathroom... Camp where got so good one? Though I had to sleep with this girl I din noe (Shaoqi, still dunno her, haha)I sleep very well, at least 5 hrs, which is very good already, i usually sleep abt 3 hrs even for cell retreat.
i found this vege thing that's actually quite nice. It's this tube shaped bean thing, if you cook it soft enough taste like potatoes. i ate 6 pieces, which is a lot for me :> Somehow when the PRCs tell me to eat vege it works better than you all... dunno why but it works lah. My dad would work the worst. If he told me to eat i'll never eat.
The Big Things
I survived an encounter as a guide with fangs hardly there! Maybe should print my own Tshirt with this logo. :> I was really scared, like Ps HG say he wants guides with 'quality' for this encounter, i dun think i have any... and then all the guides for this encounter are either the
leader leaders, shufang's 12 and everything, or they're PRC (and i can't even pray in chinese) or both. And then i'm really bad at ministering, super scared of praying for pple, and well, encounter, basically u pray for pple "whole day whole life" And then after that when you're all tired, you still have to get everyone to share. It's like keep having impromptu cellgrp, on the spot you must share and affirm and encourage and facilitate, blah blah, and cannnot prepare in advance. Fangs can, i... like want to die like that. now i know her job is hard.
Usually when it comes to those sessions where pastor puts this very fragrant olive oil in your hand (i really like the smell!) and you're supposed to go and anoint pple kind, i always siam. Imagine me anointing other people!!!!! Weird, impossible... i feel like this kid pretending to be an adult by wearing adult clothes... But this time couldn't siam mah, fangs not there (so i can't just follow behind her back) and got pple waiting for me... fangs will say it's really good for me. and i did really want to learn.
i dun think i did well or anything, i still think i'm the youngest, most inexperienced, blur-dun-even-noe-how-to-minister guide, but i dun think God expects me to do
well you see, at last not at this stage. i think He just expects me to stand up and not go hiding in my little corner.
Partly i wanted to go for this encounter cos i want God to show me something. From the moment it was announced i wanted to go already, but din dare to mention a word to fangs, intimidated mah. Ps HG asked me a very well phrased qtn, fangs just told me i'm going (not her fault), but he actually call and said "Chinese encounter 你要不要做 guide?" (exact words) Very good qtn, so it happens, if you ask me "can you go" i prob start naming all my fears. But the qtn 要不要, oh yes, yes, i do... so i just blur blur go "要, 要..." ( i just woke up when he called) that's how i got on the "贼船"
sorry for all the chinese words, i've been hearing it for 48 hrs...
I din noe wat on earth i wanted God to show me at all, just felt there is
something. Still dun understand most of it, like pieces of a puzzle not yet put together, i process very slow one. The first night first session we had worship, when all the voices start, all these really chinese voices singing this chinese worship song with such gusto to God, i was just standing there like, wow... i've been to chinese service, when all the old ladies and aunties sang, that was beautiful too in a different way, but this is different. And then God told me not to just stand there and watch, or worship
with them, but worship
as one of them. I knew i was in the right place, it was cool... Isn't God awesome?
This part is specially delicated to adeline, shar, grace, karen and all the music learners who tell us to clap on the right beat (the 2nd beat right?) Well, the whole encounter, they almost always clap on the "wrong beat". At first i tried to clap the right one like you all taught me, but then i realised that's the way they always clap, maybe their gungho revolution songs so they used to it, so i tried to follow their beat and i realise, it's different, but in a strange way, it's
correct for them, and when i'm with them, i'll follow their beat. it actually makes a difference, it helps me understand them better. Maybe that's wat they call "following a different heart beat" Dun worry, i'm not saying you should clap like that also, or that next time cellgrp i'll purposely clap like that, and i'm sure GB and kidz have their own special beats. :>
ok, after the beats section... i'm sure all of us have had dreams, or heard pple's dreams, last time in sch, of pple dreaming one day students will come together publically to worship God in the hall of particular JC, or NUS forum or where, Ps Chan shared his dream with us. To see thousands upon thousands of Christians gather to worship the Lord in
天安门广场 (Tiananmen square)legally... wow... well if... ok, must say
when it happens i'll certainly buy an air ticket to go there. Want to go? :>
I think one thing we Singaporeans can really learn from PRC. When they talk about bringing China to Christ everyone of them, even the few weeks old few months old Christians, can all really wept for China one, all the passion come out, how many of us in Singapore do that? Haha, but sorry lah, i also cried for China never cry so hard for Singapore... hee.. but I'll always be a S'pore citizen :>
It's really this privilege being there, it was stressful yah (felt like my guide tag was hanging around my neck choking me) but always a privilege. You can just see all these people rising up to preach God's word in the future, and you feel it such a privilege just to be there, to listen, to watch God's work, such a privilege to serve them. I can just see Rongfang, Guixiang they all... shared with them wat fangs shared with us last time, that the PRC nurses will not just receive, but bring the gospel back to their homeland. And whenever i say God has a special heart for China Rongfang will jump up and down and keep saying "amen, amen", can you imagine her doing that? :>
(haha, after the the wonderful sounding things fangs just msged to "scold" me, i haven't called some pple i should have called... sigh, harsh side of reality...)
Ps Chan was teaching some and before one of the sessions, he just walked right up to one of my girls (he doesn't know her) she's having this struggle, and he just started sharing his own experience in this issue, and then all the wisdom come pouring out until pple start gathering around to listen. My girl was really surprised and touched.
And i learnt from him this thing. People sometimes say they do certain things because they want to prove wrong the people who say they can't, or they want to prove to themselves that they can, kind. I did it before, myself. And i never figured whether that's right or wrong kind. What Ps C said was if you tried to do things for those reasons, and if you failed, you just feel more inferior. in the case if you do succeed you might become a proud person cos you've managed to
prove something. And then you'll always have to prove yourself because of your pride, else (or if you failed to) you'll fall back into inferiority feelings. Makes sense?
i found a new 偶像! dun worry, it means good example to follow. :> i can't teach for nuts but i want to learn (whether sch or ministry), but the pple u usually see are the male pastors jumping all over the stage, and seriously lah, i think it would be gross if a lady did exactly wat they did. i dun think i can totally learn fang's style (serene calls her fang ma, nice name) either, she got this really flexible voice... Ps Chan's wife came to teach, she spoke quietly but in this very 亲切 way that really spoke to pple's hearts.
One of my girls, she's having some issue for a really long time (those who know, yes, that's the one, but pls dun tell around) until she like cannot connect to God or the cell like that. I was really worried cos if like that cannot even fight, like she surrender to the problem already like that. When i saw her really worshiping God again I was so happy! I know she's still struggling but at least now can fight, and on this side is the Holy Spirit! and like immediately the next day she reverted back to how she used to talk before this problem, share enthusiastically kind, i take that as a good sign. So happy, thank God.
Oh yah, at first she wanted to come late and go early, in the end she volunteered to stay to the end without my saying a word. :>
This other girl, i ask her everything also she say dunno, do you believe, dunno... do you want to know God, dunno... wat do you want, dunno... until i also dunno wat to do with her. Later she actually raise her hand to receive Christ. I think it's a step for someone so unsure of everything to actually make such a decision. She's still blur blur (imagine WEIQING saying other pple blur...) but if she can follow thru on her decision i know God is going to do great things in her life. :>
Another girl, i feel she usually shares only good things, like the truimphs in her life, but not the struggles, except the already overcomed ones, maybe this asian culture thing, but during the encounter she actually shared this really hard to share thing, and opened the way for the whole group to share openly about sexuality (the hardest parts)
Actually i wrote all these down for myself to remember, feel my head a bit full, can burst. But also hope to encourage you all. I know everything is very PRC-ly, but well, God works in strange ways. :> You've read so far! Congrats! You deserve a
PHD for patience in reading ... but i can't give it to you ... :>
