Others may . . . you cannot

The time the Lord said no to me about leadership was the same time Ps Debra came to me one day and said Touch Youth (TESS) was only going to need me till the very beginning of March and that she found a place for me to continue temping in East District.

What it really meant for me was this, not just that I lost a job, but that I can't live with these people that I really enjoy being around anymore. I asked the Lord to put me where He wants me to be, so did He want me to go away? the first time in my life I found that I could and enjoy it living with His people? It certainly appeared so.

It was also this time, one evening I was doing some filing for Ps Debra, that I came across the article among my collection of nice pieces of papers and articles.

It was a strange article. It was both scary and wonderful at the same time. I read the front part of the article and was thinking to myself, what if the Lord really did want that from me? It was rather scary. It gives me this feeling that the Lord wanted a lot, a lot from me.

Big, big world

Remember there was this time I told the Lord I can't take it anymore. I can't cope with my whole life. My whole world keeps getting bigger, as I get to see more and more very different things, people, ways things work, how diverse and complex everything really is, and I'm just small me. I just can't quite take it.

And it was the same period of time God seemed bigger and bigger to me. Not that He changed, just that my perception of Him got bigger as He taught me about Himself. His awesomeness qutie overwhelms me.

And with both these 'bigger' processes going on at the same time in my life, I just can't stomach it.

And the Lord told me, that's exactly how things are supposed to work. Not that I'm supposed to see my world getting bigger and be stressed, see God even bigger and be even more stressed, but that as I know that my world is too big for me to cope with, my God is bgiger than all things and will take care of me. My God let me perception of both the world and Himself grow bigger, in a way to let things get out of hand, so I'll learn to depend on Him instead of myself to cope with everything.