Judith's Wander

Thursday, July 29, 2004

Scraps

A few scraps of paper found in my drawers, all yellow



2000
Father, I thank You for showing me that you have accomplished what You said You will in Delia, for bringing me out of my way to see it, in ways so subtle I wouldn’t deny them, so beautifully u can’t help saying, yes, Lord, You have made all things well. Yes, Lord, and for showing me all these, that I may know Your ways better. For showing me that you do what You say, that nothing is impossible with You, that Your plans are always fulfilled in Your time.




Year of God’s favour

God wants to pour out His favour on His people

He wants them to surrender their lives to Him so He can show His favour in their lives.

He wants 100% of their lives, and not a micro-milli bit less

John 12:24
“Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”

We needn’t be too worried about our inability to fight the battle because the Lord will fight for us.

The battle belongs to the Lord

What the Lord has given us is not anything uncertain, like an effort to try, or any experiment

What He gives us is a very certain victory He has already won for us when He died for us on the cross.

So what we have to do is claim the victory He won for us!

All He wants from us is a willing heart

Girl, trust Him ok. He will take you through.




Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.


Joshua 1:9




God’s Grace

 

JusticeMercy

What the world wants

A system in which the “best” (eg. Kindest, most unselfish) people get to heaven

Similar to an education system (any meritocracy) system, where people who get the best ‘results’ or performance
- gets promoted
- gets into university
(system of elimination)

For people, it will be like a system in which people who do the most good deeds (as oppose to highest marks) get to heaven

From a human point of view, things aren’t so bad, but from God’s point of view . . .

Imagine a god who works on a system of elimination, who “sells salvation the the highest bidders”


. . . What God gave us

Imagine a school system . . . not of elimination. But where everybody who wants to study gets to.

Something like, you get terrible grades for your ‘A’s. Your still get to go to U.

What you have to do is this: you have to admit that your grades just aren’t good enough. You ask for them to admit you into the school anyway. You ask for mercy, not justice.

Sounds easy? Most of all (all of us) will do that in a split second if we do get terrible grades, if we could. But . . .

How many of you are willing to admit that you are a sinner, that you don’t make His grade, but ask him to admit you anyway? That’s asking, not for justice, but for mercy.

Just like the school system anyone can join. No criteria, nothing. Just say you want to join it.

That’s what God wants.



 “Only a puny god can be bought with tithes. Only a temperamental god could be satisfied by sacrifices. Only an egotistical good would be impressed with our pain. Only a heartless god would sell salvation to the highest bidders . . . And only a great God does for his children what they can’t do for themselves.”



Many people are sick of a world that judges them for every single thing they do. Sick of a system in which you might fight tooth and nail every moment of your life. Where you would be kicked out if you aren’t careful for just a split second.

Everybody wants unconditional love, love you don’t have to fight for. That you don’t try to get; you receive. Even those who will never admit it. Even in the most seemingly self-sufficient people. You know otherwise. After all, God made them! They call it a “God-shaped” hole in their lives, that only he can fill.

Even the ‘best’ people fail in some aspect or another in their lives. And they have been either judged by the world for that failure, or they judged themselves. People do want rest. God knows.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Dumb

I just ate my "lunch", and washed all these dishes, was just taking a break reading this blog, and my mom came home. First thing she had to do, start walking through the whole house listing every single thing I haven't kept, washed, tidied, etc. Now I really really don't feel like doing all those things she named. Feel like just sitting here watching this screen and just let her fume as long as she like.

Childish? I know. But why must she do this? I woke up this afternoon thinking I'll do some housework for her so she doesn't have to do it when she comes home.

I'm being stupid, I noe. I should just go do all those things and housework this moment. Not that she'll say anything except give me that I-told-you-so-I-knew-I'll-win look. Do I love my mom? Oh yes, I love her lots.

I'm so childish.

Thursday, July 15, 2004

Memories

I was clearing my room and found some pieces of paper. Here's one I think written at the end of JC1.




What I regret:

  • Taking my family for granted
  • Be too "busy" to spend time with God
  • Being stupid enough to become obsessed with . . . somebody
  • Never study
  • Letting my life become so noisy I forgot to be quiet
  • Actually forgetting to love the people around me 'cause I'm too busy having fun
  • Mixing up all my priorities
  • Didn't managed to do most of the things I was supposed to do

What is wrong with everything:

  • I always take the Lord for granted
  • Always take people who love me for granted
  • End of the year coming and the 'thing' scheduled to happen hasn't because of me
  • I look like shit
  • I don't have time for everything but I don't want to disappoint anybody. End up I neglect some things and didn't do well in anything. And I'm not even sure I wanted to do those things in the first place
  • I'm really tired. I need a break. I need time to . . . just be quiet. To think. So I don't "lose it"
  • Sometimes I forget why I'm doing what I'm doing
  • Sometimes when I lose sight of my goals, I lose sight of my way as well
  • Sometimes, I do wonder a bit whether things will work out after all. Though I do now they will. But just sometimes, they just don't look very possible. And . . . sometimes I just feel too tired to make them happen. Or even try to make them happen.
  • I hope everythin works out.

If only . . .

  • My family comes to know the Lord
  • I can pray with people and . . . everything that should happen happens in good time.
  • Yvonne and Suying . . . see that they see. And know that they see, and all that.
  • Elly, Belinda and Danica grow "tall and strong". I think Danica can lah.
  • Me learnt to "love and pray"
  • I don't look like shit anymore
  • I get good enought 'A' level grades, go U, than next, next and next, . . .
  • Somebody will . . . go out with me, and all that and all that . . .
  • I won't ever say "I forgot", "I don't dare", "I can't", and all that anymore.




Have to say was surprised to read this . . . . Well, things haven't changed that much since then right? Most of the things haven't changed that much. Maybe it means I haven't changed that much?

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Scary

Things seemed to have happened pretty fast recently. "My plan" seemed to have been working out itself, very fine. Too fine for my comfort. Way too fine.

I took my driving advanced test, i passed it. I know that's just Step 1 Section(i) part (a), but it says to me something. I got my MOE interview less than 2 weeks after submission. A lot less than 2 weeks. More like 1 week 3 days. The interview was, if I would only admit it, a lot better than expected.

Scary. Scary. I'm scared it will happen, I'm scared it won't. I suppose in the short-run I'm scareder of it happening, in the long-run I'm scareder of it not happening. Because of the consequences.

Quotes

Couple of nice quotes:

Turn your Goliath over to Jehovah, the giant killer. Explain to your powerful God how anxious you are for Him to win this victory for a change - not the giant, and not you.

JUST THINK you're here not by chance, but by God's choosing. HIS HAND FORMED YOU and made you the person you are. He compares you to no one else - YOU ARE ONE OF A KIND. YOU LACK NOTHING that His grace can't give you. He has allowed you to be here at this time in history TO FULFILL HIS SPECIAL PURPOSE for this generation.

Saturday, July 03, 2004

phonecalls

I realise when I get phone calls and I don't answer them because I dun feel like it at the moment, I'm losing my servanthood. I'm choosing when to serve and when not to serve. Lord. Please forgive me. Please teach me to be a servant. I want to be Your servant.