Directions

I guess I never had a time when I really, really didn't know what to do. At all. And it’s a big thing. I wish I didn't have to decide. But I’m not so sure. I wouldn’t want to stay if I hate it and just have to cause I just didn't have a choice.

Lord, won't You tell me what to do. I wish You would. I really do. It’s getting to me. I think of it day and night. It affects my performance. On everything I think. Lord, what do You want me to do? What did You want me to do in the first place?

Father, in the first place it’s about You. In the first place whatever it is must be about You, for You.

I’m not happy there, I really am not. I don't know why. Lord, I guess I liked the environment, though it’s a little intimidating. I like it that everyone there really loves You, really wants to serve You. And everyone does try to love.

Lord if I go am I running away? I have no idea. Lord, Father, please. Please tell me how to find out. I must know. I must.

I can’t do things not knowing why I do them. Lord, wherever it is You want me to be, give me a motivation to be there. Tell me why You want me to be there, what is it You want me to do there, what is the point. How it is for You, Father.

Father, sometimes I’m very tired. Tired of trying, thinking, not knowing. I guess this isn’t the first time, but well, it feels just as bad. Or worse. Now I feel like I don't even have time to think. Sometimes I just want to run far far away. Only I can’t. somewhere inside I’m so tired. I wish I could take a break. To do what, I don't know. And after that how?

Father, everyone gives me all kinds of advice. But I don't want their advice. I just want to know what is it You want me to do.

I wish You would tell me! I really do. Tell me, Lord, tell me. If You want me to stay tell me. Tell me why. Tell me what on earth I should do there, what on earth I’m doing it for.

If I leave then where do I go? Lord, Lord, I really don't know.

Lord, is it me? What do You want me to do?