rain

this is esp for JY to read, to tantalise her...

we're having this season now where it rains everytime just as u want to step out of a building. or u're running into shelter and the moment u step in, it suddenly becomes a storm... walking in the rain, feeling safe under the shelter of a huge umbrella, or snug in ur warm room with a nice comforter... listening to the rain outside, lying on ur bed reading a book... my idea of luxury...

got a bit of time nothing to do now, so write a bit of my personal journey.

from time to time i get a bit stuck learning something, a bit like pple learn things by topic in sch, and i get stuck with one of the topics. The current topic is being matured versus being childlike.

I learnt how to b a child, I can attempt to be an adult, but i can't figure how I can be both at the same time.

Sigh, I know the content of wat i want to write, but tots not flowing... write later...

2 weeks

Some updates for these few weeks.

2 weeks ago

Got more things to do in school, partly because the form teacher decided to let me take a few more lessons, partly cos nearly exams so a lot of revision to do. Somehow there was always something to keep me busy til late this week. Beginning to feel the stretch of having a job, and ministry, and friends, etc etc. Beginning to crave free time again cos haven't had much, partly i volunteered to do certain things lah, and they happen to happen together. One more thing, must meet up with my girls soon. Haven't been spending time with God, go home just sleep. It's amazing He's so faithful tho I'm so unfaithful!

Sat felt terrible. Din have time to prepare worship til Thu night, but was so tired fell asleep. Fri night had to stay up to do it, til late, but all messy, dun really noe wat I'm doing, not sure kind. And then Sat had to go sch at 7.30am for oral. Oral was quite fun, but later really really din feel up to leading worship. Complained and groaned to Huili, hope I din scare her. She volunteered to play guitar for me tho I could tell she was a little nervous to do it on the spot without practice. Still she did it, and it was good! Helped me to focus a lot. Din noe guitar take off so much focus before, maybe it's good i found out. Next time will ask Huili play again.

Last week

Feel going to fall sick. Have been trying hard to postpone it.

PSLE marking days, no one in sch. Supposed to go library to stocktake. Student helpers who were to come hardly did, and were not very hardworking. The books were heavy, but it was good that it was quiet. But the dust... In the end din finish as many books as the teacher in charge expected, she was disappointed. Because fell sick messed up all my schedule, in the end this week became really packed too. Think I'm getting more and more short-tempered. Must watch out. Had conflict with the quietest and noisiest pple in cell within one week! Some record. I discovered I always have conflicts with pple when I work with them, maybe it's just me.

Sunday was ...out. As in me out. Woke up late for SOL ... on purpose. But in the end it was a good break, really needed it. Like a sabbath. Really had time to just spend time with God. Not have to ask Him for a word cos need to share kind, or desperate dunno wat to do for something kind, just sat down and can be quiet before Him. Felt more alive. These few weeks had felt ... a little dried up like that, usually I love to sing, but this period ... jsut can't sing, can't think of any song to sing, dun feel like singing. Like they call no song in ur heart. But when I can really sit at His feet, then suddenly all the tunes came back. Spontaneously.

This week

Just began. Exam week quite eng2. But got lots of meetings to attend. Marking. Had terrible sleep last night, this terrible tune keep coming into my head, and I was too sleepy to object very violently. The dumb chanting tune that they always sing during assembly every monday. It's the worst thing of all. The whole afternoon like fighting like that. Once I stop praying the tune comes back. Then night the tune haunted me all night couldn't sleep properly, already not enough sleep already now worse. Brought my sis's CDplayer out, need to hear some positive tunes. Now everyday go sch, esp monday, must commit all my thoughts to the Lord, ask Him to guard my mind, every single thought. Ask Him to put like a filter, thoughts that honor Him then can come in, other thoughts all no entry. Talk abt whose voice r u hearing... bbrrr.... One of the christian teachers, she actually sings the tune with the rest, although she doesn't bow down with them. Well, I'm certainly never doing that. Ggrrhhh.....

Time for class.

my little facts

Next week is 7th week of school! Can't wait for hols. If i live to b 100 i'll still love hols, and wait for them

Driving test next month! 9 Nov 1.55pm. It'll b a miracle if i pass, so pray for a miracle ok?

I think some pple are a little sorry for me cos i told them i'm not very needed in sch. But actually i'm quite glad, it gives me time to have more driving lessons and other things for this time period. And settle into my new routine, school, ministry, family, friends, etc. But then of course, i'm a lazy person, never will complain abt too much free time one. Next year when I get a class of my own then can start afresh. Will b tiring, but that's wat i asked for right?

first few weeks in sch had a lot of time, so resorted to going to music room to play the piano. nearly finished learning a new song: as the deer. but din noe which keys to press for Bm and F#, maybe some of the music pple can tell me. but now no time for such things already, loads to do.

had tot PSLE marking days if nothing to do i'll bring all my cards and start writing to pple. but sch came up with thousands of books for me to stocktake, and u woudn't belive the amount of dust there is. i have to go out once a while just to breathe. I dun really mind doing it if not for the dust tho, tho it's tiring. A good break from shouting students. Yes, shouting students, not shouting at students. But the dust is suffocating...

Today at home on MC, of course, would rather not b sick, but since already sick, dun mind MCs! Thank God it's not a sch day tho. The dust is going to choke me again tmrw, sigh.

Going to move sch! the other teachers are stressed but i think it's quite intersting, cos i dun have anything to b in charge of. dun mind a new office and toilets... and canteen... hope got better food... if i dun wake up early to make some kind of lunch box, i get no lunch, sometimes end up eating the mashmallows and sweets in my decorative bottle. It's supposed to be for decoration, tot wouldn't finsih the sweets for ages, but now one month then nearly finish, so sad.

when u're young u dun ever have to plan or tell urself to do things. pple tell u wat to do, and u do. u dun even have to think wat's coming next. And then u learn wat to do in a day, tho u still follow instructions, u have some idea wat's going on. and then u learn to structure ur own time, or eventually is made to learn, wat to do, when to work and play, u start to organise ur own life. when u can take charge of ur own life (more or less) u start taking charge of other pple's lives. now YOU tell other pple wat to do, and miraclously, they follow. u structure time and activity not just for urself, but for others, and they seem to have no objection. or if they do, u have to make them do it anyway. i think i'm mpore used to being an adult now, maybe cos i'm with kids, and the drastic difference show...

sigh, time pass so fast when u're at home. must go rest a bit, long day tmrw, got something for exam blessing must finish today.