To Be A Servant

It’s not that I’m very hardworking, it’s the opposite! I think I must be His laziest daughter. It’s just, I don’t see why things should be dictated by circumstances, or what is happening, or me. They are not Lord, and I … well, I’m not the point. He is the point. He’s Lord. And I want it to be about Him. Lord, I really do. I know I’ve done badly. I . . . don’t know. But in the end I want life to be about You.

I have been thinking. For a long, long time. Or it seems long to me. I don’t want to go into teaching just like . . . aimlessly. I know I can’t survive like that. And I can’t make my own goals. There just aren’t any, don’t ask me why. I could set some goals I suppose. But they’re not appealing at all. I don’t want them. They’re like there, not even for the sake of being there. They’re nothing. Because they’re not real.

I need God to tell me . . . something. I don’t know what it is. But I know I will know it is when I hear it, or see it. Whatever, I will recognize IT. I can’t even apply, or confirm in my own mind I’ll be applying, until I get my IT. It’s just that simple. And that hard. I called it a “big picture”, for lack of a better name. Sometimes it’s that, but not always. It’s just . . . IT.

There was a time I felt I was losing my willingness. And my dreams. I felt as though I wasn’t me. I feel slightly like that still. Anyhow it’s scary. And I felt like all the bad names anyone could ever call someone. Because I had promised the Lord, my own will. I remember. Very clearly. I remember. I felt like a promise-breaker, and worse.

Yesterday was bad, very bad. At least in the daytime it was. I was going to scream. But I waited for everyone else to leave office before I cried. ‘cause I need that time with the Lord, very, very alone, before I reach church later. Or else I knew I wasn’t going to survive. Strange yah. Need to spend time with God to survive church.

It wasn’t anything happened. I was stressed with work, yes, but on it’s own, actually it’s no big deal lah. I din work that late. I was just kind of strained, somewhere inside. All the last 2 weeks. I was that kind of on-the-verge-of-tears all the time. That was partly why I cried that day with Sharmaine. I think I scared her, in a way. She didn’t know.

I don’t remember a lot of yesterday’s sermon, only this statement. Choosing to serve and choosing to be a servant is different. It’s something I kind of, understood. It was something I always thought of as a kind of common sense. It was something that I could see the difference in other people which kind of serving they were doing. It was something I didn’t know I had a problem with. Oh, I know I’m not that kind of super-willing person like Choi Ying. I have my stubborn streaks. I’m fine with them myself actually, haha. More or less.

If you asked me, I know my attitude now is different from say, one year ago. Or more specifically, something like three months ago. I don’t know why. Actually I do. I think it has something to do with my relationship with the Lord. Or rather, that’s the part I’m sure of. The other parts are the parts I’m not so sure. Maybe it’s certain ‘breaks’ I had sometime this year for a few weeks. Maybe I’m the kind of person breaks are not good for. Kind of slave-mentality person, mustn’t be allowed to take breaks. Maybe it’s having to attend three meetings and prepare two each week, that really gets to me. Maybe it’s my this year’s flat are quite off.

But do these things change my attitude? How could I let them, they’re just things! Just things. I mustn’t I mustn’t I mustn’t. But well, maybe they weren’t the factors in the first place.

There were times, times I felt I don’t know anything anymore. I asked myself, what do you know for sure. What is one thing you still know even if you don’t know anything else anymore? And I know. I know God is good. Even in the worse times, I think that is the only thing I will be able to say. God is good. He hasn’t changed. And through all those times even when I’m so terrible He’s still always good to me. He just never left.

I remember the time when I asked God why He put me where I am. He just said, to learn to be a servant. He didn’t say very much more, actually. A lot of times He says things I never thought He’ll say, but He just persistently doesn’t say about what I’m asking Him! And I just remembered. Those times all those goals, to share Christ with each person, to see them know the Lord, etc, are actually more like things I thought of. He never really said anything much about them explicitly. The only thing He said was, to learn to be a servant. Yesterday, I asked myself, am I a servant? Do I dare call myself a servant?

Huili said it would be good for me to take a break and get to spend more time with God. I disagreed with her, but didn’t know how to explain things to her then. Because I didn’t know how to put it myself. Well, now I know. I do want a break. In fact very, very much. I love breaks. It’s just, I don’t want my relationship with God to improve simply because I’m having a break and have time. Doesn’t that mean when I don’t have time the opposite happens? Besides, if circumstances dictate my relationship with my Lord, well, no way. Period.

I guess that was what I meant when I wrote yesterday night, on my palmtop on the way home. It’s not something I wrote because I will be able to do it. It’s something I’m sure I will not be able to do, I wasn’t in the past, was I? It’s just something that couldn’t not be. Because it is, that’s all. It’s just something that will be all the Lord. And that’s what I wanted, wasn’t it?

Somewhere along the way, I kind of . . . just kind of, found, kind of, my IT. I have learnt to be a servant (kind of . . . sounds strange to say it like that) when it was easy. When I had plenty of time to learn slowly. I needed that. But now I have to learn it when it’s harder. It can’t be when it’s easier, or I’ll just never learn. So I’m like asking for it, asking for trouble.

And I know it isn’t like very hard or something, it’s just Level 1.

So, announcing . . . well, that’s it.

It’s not what I would have thought of. I was thinking more along the lines of “target goals”. Like, “making a difference in the lives of children” or something. Well, what is important to Him is what He says, usual or not. His important is not other people’s important. I only know it’s IT, so that’s IT, it’s His IT, that’s what matters to me. I’m perfectly fine with it. :>

I don’t know how I’m going to tell my cellgroup about this blog after this, ‘Cause this is very up-to-date things, and I usually have a lot of problem telling people very up-to-date things. They’re still shaky, kind. And it’s not really confirmed, confirmed kind. I usually need some time to ‘consolidate’. It’s like future prophecies. The only way you know they’re true is when the time comes, it really happens. That’s all. Before that, you can never really say you know.

There’s one other part of this thing. I think God said to me He put a lot of childlike people (some were children) around me this past year before He wants me to learn to be a child. There was a time Fangxiang prayed for me, she said she saw a teddy bear!?! I was rolling my eyes, inside. It was only this time, I was very tired and can’t rest, I was sitting on this bedspread my mom bought, it had a lot of bears in pajamas running around, playing, etc, there was one that was sitting quietly, he looked like he was praying. I like the way he looks, he’s my favourite bear on that bedspread. And I told the Lord, Lord, I want to be like that bear. Childish? That’s me.

Plea

Father, I don't want to only learn it later, when it will be easier. I want to learn it now, while it is difficult. Because I don't want it to be circumstances. I want it to be You. You have taught me when it was easy. Please also teach me when it is difficult. I want it to be You very much. From the bottom of my heart. Please do it, by Your power. I will not boast, I will boast of You. I remember, I always will. You promised to do for me what I cannot do for myself. Please do that now.

Anne of the Island

There'll be love there - faithful, tender love, such as I'll never find anywhere else in the world - love that's waiting for me. That makes my picture a masterpiece, doesn't it, even if the colours are not very brilliant?

L.M. Montgomery

1 Corinthians 13 (Chinese)

爱 是 恒 久 忍 耐 ，

又 有 恩 慈 。

爱 是 不 嫉 妒 。

爱 是 不 自 夸 。

不 张 狂 。

不 作 害 羞 的 事 。

不 求 自 己 的 益 处 。

不 轻 易 发 怒 。

不 计 算 人 的 恶 。

不 喜 欢 不 义 。

只 喜 欢 真 理 。

凡 事 包 容 。

凡 事 相 信 。

凡 事 盼 望 。

凡 事 忍 耐 。

爱 是 永 不 止 息 。

for Aunty

1 Corinthians 13

Love is patient,

love is kind.

It does not envy,

it does not boast,

it is not proud.

It is not rude,

it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil

but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects,

always trusts,

always hopes,

always perseveres.

Love never fails.

for Sujeeta

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd,

I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside quiet waters,

He restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff,

they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me

all the days of my life,

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord

forever.

for Gloria

Be thankful

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know something,
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations,
because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge,
because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes.
They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you're tired and weary,
because it means you've made a effort.
It's easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,
and they can become your blessings.

for Mabel

Meanings

Standing for what you believe in,
Regardless of the odds against you,
and the pressure that tears at your resistance, ... means courage.

Keeping a smile on your face,
When inside you feel like dying,
For the sake of supporting others, ... means strength.

Stopping at nothing,
And doing what's in your heart,
You know is right, ... means determination.

Doing more than is expected,
To make another's life a little more bearable,
Without uttering a single complaint, ... means compassion.

Helping a friend in need,
No matter the time or effort,
To the best of your ability, ... means loyalty.

Giving more than you have,
And expecting nothing,
But nothing in return, ... means selflessness.

Holding your head high,
And being the best you know you can be
When life seems to fall apart at your feet,
Facing each difficulty with the confidence
That time will bring you better tomorrows,

And never giving up, ... means confidence.

unknown author

for Ngee Mong

dad and me 

min and me 

kids and me 

children's camp 

mom min me 

singing 

singing 

group 

five 

Project Love People

I haven’t really really written for a long time. Haven’t had the time, to sit and write for at least an hour, haven’t had for a long while. I’ll just take a look to see when I ended off…

I wrote quite a bit on and off, but mostly feelings, not much story line. Maybe I should fill in all the storylines…

Baaah…I’ll just write about the past year . . . like a bad sheep, doesn’t go “meeeh”, goes “baaah” instead.

Last year, that is, beginning 2003, that time was a great time. One thing, I had a lot of time. I had only 2 modules the whole sem and it was my last sem. I managed to squeeze all my school time into one day a week. Wednesday, I still remember. Of course, I still have to spend more time on project meetings, research, such like, but that’s another story.

(This is getting quite easy to write. It’s always easier for me to write about things that’s past, things that I can see from hindsight and thought through, very difficult to write about things now, especially things I can’t make head or tail of at the moment.)

Anyway, my point is, that time I had plenty of time, and I didn’t want to waste it. So I decided to spend my time on a few constructive things. I don’t remember whether I asked the Lord about it, so I don’t want to misquote Him. I think I did. In fact I think the whole thing is His idea. But these are all assumptions.

The few constructive things boil down to that I felt I’ve neglected many people most of the time. And all the most important people in my life. Mainly I’ve just neglected people. Always complaining I have no time. So now that I have time I want to spend some time letting all these people know that I care. I want to spend some time loving people. So I called it Project Love People. Ha . . . that is something I never told anyone about to this day, never even wrote it down or anything, just kept it in my thoughts, but it was always there. And whenever that time I felt tired or grouchy, I’ll remind myself, I’m doing this project Love People for the Lord. It’s just part of the job, and I think . . . on the whole I enjoyed it. It was a better job than any other that I know.

And of course, more time means must spend more time with God.

All in all, it was great. The whole period of time I really enjoyed it, not least because I have lots of time to laze around, I have to admit. But also I think I was able to build such close relationships with my PRC girls also because I had so much time to spend on them. Lavish time. The word is lavish.

I think God used this time to teach me some things that I had to had lots of time to slowly learn.

Certainly I enjoyed spending time with all the people I want to spend time with! And I learnt that it really takes time to build relationships, that people really appreciate it when you take the time to show that you care. The problem is that most people don’t have such kind of time. And I began to learn how to schedule my time around other people, to go out of my way to be there for them. Just like before when I told the Lord I seem to be spending more time worrying about other people’s businesses rather than my own, and He told me next time I’d spend even more time, and my life will be about other people, not about myself.

From the beginning when I saw how everyone else’s PRC girls were willing to go out with them, especially, especially Cythia’s girls and she was my partner, whom I kept seeing, and I was kind of envious. I felt barren. I asked the Lord, “How come You bless everybody, don’t want to bless me? I actually asked Him that! But He didn’t tell me. From the time when He asked me, “Will you do it just for Me?” He only said, when I asked Him why He put me where I am now, He only told me this, that He put me where I was to learn to be a servant.

Until the time about three weeks after we first met our PRC, one afternoon I was at Guixiang’s place talking to her. I remember this distinctly cause I was always very nervous going to her place that time, dunno what I was going to say to her or anything. Well, in the middle of it, someone from the flat of six called. It was Zhangxin. She asked me to lend her a camera. I said I haven’t got one. She said please borrow one for them somehow, and they need it by tomorrow for their outing. I agreed to try doubtfully.

At home, I searched rather grumpily but end up I found a few old cameras rather easily. I made them come to my interchange to get the camera from me, was thinking it might be spoiling them to deliver to their place when they were borrowing from me, asking a favour. Or maybe it was just that I was lazy and a horrible person.

I remember this story very well cause I used it as a testimony to share with many people a number of times after…
As I was going downstairs to meet them, I was still grumbling to myself. It goes something like this, “What are they treating me as? 我跟你很熟meh? I only know you how long only? You think I’m your mother is it? . . . you think I’m your servant is it?...”

And that caught me short. The word, like some kind of punchline, servant. Servant. And then I remembered. That’s what the Lord told me to be! To be a servant! And here I am having a great opportunity for being one, and listen to me grumbling! I should be happy they treat me as someone very 熟, I’ve been working so hard to get that, I should thank God! Mother, that’s what I hope to be to them, servant, that’s what I am! What on earth am I complaining for?!

And in the days to come, that’s what I kept remembering.

Note to Jingyu

Just a note to Jingyu (Adeline) who typed up some of my 2000 entries some time ago. I was transferring those entries to this new blog, and I found some of the titles she put to some of my entries really obiang. Really really obiang, and I was never a fussy person. I mean, I appreciate her efforts, but well, I changed all the titles. She will be hopping mad when she reads this note . . . but well, that’s why I wrote it. Smiles.

P.S. And she's given herself the name of the Swan Queen! I really have nothing to say...

sharon's bday 

Life's Challenges

by Viola Doncaster

Come walk with me and follow
down a path where flowers grow,
where tears became the nourishment,
for Love's growth within my soul.
'Twas on the road of suffering
where it seemed that all was lost,
that I gave my all to Jesus,
who died to pay the cost.

He paid the way for all of us
who might suffer in despair,
overcoming loss, by the resurrection
to show He truly cares.

'Twas on the road of suffering
that He drew me close to Him,
where tears revealed flowers
of new life found in Him.

Many years have passed,
since I offered Him my all,
and growth with Him continues
as He lifts me when I fall.

So if you feel "life's challenges"
will forever weight you down,
bring them all to Jesus,
who rose from death, to wear a crown.

Brighten Your Corner

Author Unknown

We cannot all be famous
or be listed in "Who's Who",
But every person, great or small,
has important work to do.
For seldom do we realize
the importance of small deeds,
Or to what degree of greatness
unnoticed kindness leads.

For it's not the big celebrity
in a world of fame and praise,
But it's doing unpretentiously
in an undistinguished way.

The work that God assigned to us,
unimportant as it seems,
That makes our task outstanding,
and brings reality to dreams.

So do not sit and idly wish
for wider, new dimensions
where you can put into practice,
your many good intentions.

But at the spot God placed you
begin at once to do,
Little things to brighten up
the lives surrounding you.

If everybody brightened up
the spot where their standing,
By being more considerate,
and a little less demanding.

This dark old world would very soon
eclipse the evening star,
If everybody brightened up
the corner where they are!

for Christine

A FRIEND'S GREETING

I'd like to be the sort of friend that
you have been to me;
I'd like to be the help that
you've been always glad to be;

I'd like to mean as much to you
each minute of the day
As you have meant, old friend of mine,
to me along the way.

I'd like to do the big things and
the splendid things for you,
To brush the gray from out your skies
and leave them only blue;

I'd like to say the kindly things that
I so oft have heard,
And feel that I could rouse your soul
the way that mine you've stirred.

I'd like to give you back the joy
that you have given me,
Yet that were wishing you a need
I hope will never be;

I'd like to make you feel as rich as I,
who travel on
Undaunted in the darkest hours with you to
lean upon.

I'm wishing at this time that I
could but repay
A portion of the gladness that
you've strewn along my way;

And could I have one wish this year,
this only would it be:
I'd like to be the sort of friend
that you have been to me.
- Edgar A Guest -

for Eng Choon

Rabbi Ben Ezra

Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in His hand
Who saith "A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!"

Not that, amassing flowers,
Youth sighed "Which rose make ours,
Which lily leave and then as best recall?"
Not that, admiring stars,
It yearned "Nor Jove, nor Mars;
Mine be some figured flame which blends, transcends them all!"

Not for such hopes and fears
Annulling youth's brief years,
Do I remonstrate: folly wide the mark!
Rather I prize the doubt
Low kinds exist without,
Finished and finite clods, untroubled by a spark.

Poor vaunt of life indeed,
Were man but formed to feed
On joy, to solely seek and find and feast:
Such feasting ended, then
As sure an end to men;
Irks care the crop-full bird? Frets doubt the maw-crammed beast?

Rejoice we are allied
To That which doth provide
And not partake, effect and not receive!
A spark disturbs our clod;
Nearer we hold of God
Who gives, than of His tribes that take, I must believe.

Then, welcome each rebuff
That turns earth's smoothness rough,
Each sting that bids nor sit nor stand but go!
Be our joys three-parts pain!
Strive, and hold cheap the strain;
Learn, nor account the pang; dare, never grudge the throe!

For thence,--a paradox
Which comforts while it mocks,--
Shall life succeed in that it seems to fail:
What I aspired to be,
And was not, comforts me:
A brute I might have been, but would not sink in' the scale.

What is he but a brute
Whose flesh has soul to suit,
Whose spirit works lest arms and legs want play?
To man, propose this test--
Thy body at its best,
How far can that project thy soul on its lone way?

Yet gifts should prove their use:
I own the Past profuse
Of power each side, perfection every turn:
Eyes, ears took in their dole,
Brain treasured up the whole;
Should not the heart beat once "How good to live and learn?"

Not once beat "Praise be Thine!
I see the whole design,
I, who saw power, see now love perfect too:
Perfect I call Thy plan:
Thanks that I was a man!
Maker, remake, complete,--I trust what Thou shalt do!"

For pleasant is this flesh;
Our soul, in its rose-mesh
Pulled ever to the earth, still yearns for rest;
Would we some prize might hold
To match those manifold
Possessions of the brute,--gain most, as we did best!

Let us not always say,
"Spite of this flesh to-day
I strove, made head, gained ground upon the whole!"
As the bird wings and sings,
Let us cry "All good things
Are ours, nor soul helps flesh more, now, than flesh helps soul!"

Therefore I summon age
To grant youth's heritage,
Life's struggle having so far reached its term:
Thence shall I pass, approved
A man, for aye removed
From the developed brute; a god though in the germ.

And I shall thereupon
Take rest, ere I be gone
Once more on my adventure brave and new:
Fearless and un-perplexed,
When I wage battle next,
What weapons to select, what armour to indue.

Youth ended, I shall try
My gain or loss thereby;
Leave the fire ashes, what survives is gold:
And I shall weigh the same,
Give life its praise or blame:
Young, all lay in dispute; I shall know, being old.

For note, when evening shuts,
A certain moment cuts
The deed off, calls the glory from the grey:
A whisper from the west
Shoots--"Add this to the rest,
Take it and try its worth: here dies another day."

So, still within this life,
Though lifted o'er its strife,
Let me discern, compare, pronounce at last,
This rage was right in' the main,
That acquiescence vain:
The Future I may face now I have proved the Past."

For more is not reserved
To man, with soul just nerved
To act to-morrow what he learns to-day:
Here, work enough to watch
The Master work, and catch
Hints of the proper craft, tricks of the tool's true play.

As it was better, youth
Should strive, through acts uncouth,
Toward making, than repose on aught found made:
So, better, age, exempt
From strife, should know, than tempt
Further. Thou waitedst age: wait death nor be afraid!


Enough now, if the Right
And Good and Infinite
Be named here, as thou callest thy hand thine own
With knowledge absolute,
Subject to no dispute
From fools that crowded youth, nor let thee feel alone.

Be there, for once and all,
Severed great minds from small,
Announced to each his station in the Past!
Was I, the world arraigned,
Were they, my soul disdained,
Right? Let age speak the truth and give us peace at last!

Now, who shall arbitrate?
Ten men love what I hate,
Shun what I follow, slight what I receive;
Ten, who in ears and eyes
Match me: we all surmise,
They this thing, and I that: whom shall my soul believe?

Not on the vulgar mass
Called "work," must sentence pass,
Things done, that took the eye and had the price;
O'er which, from level stand,
The low world laid its hand,
Found straightway to its mind, could value in a trice:

But all, the world's coarse thumb
And finger failed to plumb,
So passed in making up the main account;
All instincts immature,
All purposes unsure,
That weighed not as his work, yet swelled the man's amount:

Thoughts hardly to be packed
Into a narrow act,
Fancies that broke through language and escaped;
All I could never be,
All, men ignored in me,
This, I was worth to God, whose wheel the pitcher shaped.

Ay, note that Potter's wheel,
That metaphor! and feel
Why time spins fast, why passive lies our clay,--
Thou, to whom fools propound,
When the wine makes its round,
"Since life fleets, all is change; the Past gone, seize to-day!"

Fool! All that is, at all,
Lasts ever, past recall;
Earth changes, but thy soul and God stand sure:
What entered into thee,
That was, is, and shall be:
Time's wheel runs back or stops: Potter and clay endure.

He fixed thee mid this dance
Of plastic circumstance,
This Present, thou, forsooth, wouldst fain arrest:
Machinery just meant
To give thy soul its bent,
Try thee and turn thee forth, sufficiently impressed.

What though the earlier grooves,
Which ran the laughing loves
Around thy base, no longer pause and press?
What though, about thy rim,
Skull-things in order grim
Grow out, in graver mood, obey the sterner stress?

Look not thou down but up!
To uses of a cup,
The festal board, lamp's flash and trumpet's peal,
The new wine's foaming flow,
The Master's lips a-glow!
Thou, heaven's consummate cup, what need'st thou with earth's wheel?

But I need, now as then,
Thee, God, who mouldest men;
And since, not even while the whirl was worst,
Did I,--to the wheel of life
With shapes and colours rife,
Bound dizzily,--mistake my end, to slake Thy thirst:

So, take and use Thy work:
Amend what flaws may lurk,
What strain o' the stuff, what warpings past the aim!
My times be in Thy hand!
Perfect the cup as planned!
Let age approve of youth, and death complete the same!

Robert Browning (1812-1889)

The Wemmicks

The Wemmicks were wooden people. Each of the wooden people was carved by a wood worker named Eli. His workshop sat on a hill overlooking their village.

Every Wemmick was different. Some had big noses, others had large eyes. Some were tall and others were short. Some wore hats, others wore coats. But all were made by the same carver and all lived in the village.

And all day, everyday, the Wemmicks did the same thing. They gave each other stickers. Each Wemmick had a box of golden star stickers and a box of gray dot stickers. Up and down the street all over the city, people could be seen sticking stars or dots on one another.

The pretty ones, those with smooth and fine paint, always got stars. But if the wood was rough or the paint chipped, the Wemmicks gave dots.

The talented ones got stars too . . . Some could lift big sticks high above their heads or jump over tall boxes. Still others knew big words or could sing very pretty songs. Everyone gave them stars.

Some Wemmicks had stars all over them! Every time they got a star it made them feel so good that they did something else and got another star.

Others though, could do little. They got dots.

Punchinello was one of these. He tried to jump high like the others, but he always fell. And when he fell, it would scar his wood, so the people would give him more dots. He would try to explain why he fell and say something silly, and the Wemmicks would give him more dots.

After a while he got so many dots that he didn't want to go outside. He was afraid he would do something dumb such as forget his hat or step in the water, and then the people would him another dot. In fact, he had so many gray dots that some people would come up and give him one without reason.

"He deserved lots of dots," the wooden people would agree with one another. "He's not a good wooden person."

After a while Punchinello believed them. "I'm not a good Wemmick," he would say. The few times he went outside, he hung around other Wemmicks who had a lot of dots. He felt better around them.

One day he met a Wemmick who was unlike any he'd ever met. She had no dots or stars. She was just wooden. Her name was Lulia.

It wasn't that people didn't try to give her stickers; it's just that the stickers didn't stick. Some admired Lulia for having no dots, so they would run up and give her a star. But it would fall off. Some would look down on her for having no stars, so they would give her a dot. But it wouldn't stay either.

"That's the way I want to be," thought Punchinello. "I don't want anyone's marks." So he asked the stickerless Wemmick how she did it.

"It's easy," Lulia replied. "Everyday I go see Eli."

"Eli?"

"Yes, Eli, the woodcarver. I sit in the workshop with him."

"Why?"

""Why don't you find out for yourself? Go up the hill. He's there." And with that the Wemmick with no marks turned and skipped away.

"But he won't want to see me!" Punchinello cried out. Lulia didn't hear. So Punchinello went home. He sat near a window and watched the wooden people as they scurried around giving each other stars and dots. "It's not right," he muttered to himself. And he resolved to go see Eli.

He walked up the narrow path to the top of the hill and stepped into the big shop. His wooden eyes widened at the size of everything. The stool was as tall as he was. He had to stretch on his tiptoes to see the top of the workbench. A hammer was as long as his arm. Punchinello swallowed hard. "I'm not staying here!" and he turned to leave.
Then he heard his name.

"Punchinello?" The voice was deep and strong.

Punchinello stopped.

"Punchinello! How good to see you. Come and let me have a look at you."

"Punchinello turned slowly and looked at the large bearded craftsman. "You know my name?" the little Wemmick asked.

"Of course. I made you."

Eli stooped down and picked him up and set him o the bench. "Hmm," the maker spoke thoughtfully as he inspected the gray circles. "Looks like you've been given some black marks."

"I didn't mean to, Eli. I tried really hard."

"Oh, you don't have to defend yourself to me, child. I don't care what the other Wemmicks think."

"You don't?"

"No, and you shouldn't either. Who are they to give stars or dots? They're Wemmicks just like you. What they think doesn't matter, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special."

Punchinello laughed. "Me, special? Why? I can't walk fast. I can't jump. My paint is peeling. Why do I matter to you?"

Eli looked at Punchinello, put his hands on those small wooden shoulders, and spoke very slowly. "Because you're mine. That's why you matter to me."

Punchinello had never had anyone look at him like this-much less his maker. He didn't know what to say.

"Everyday I've been hoping you'd come," Eli explained.

"I came because I met someone who had no marks."

"I know. She told me about you."

"Why don't the stickers stay on her?"

"Because she has decided that what I think is more important than what they think. The stickers only stick if you let them."

"What?"

"The stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust my love, the less you care about the stickers."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"You will, but it will take time. You've got a lot of marks. For now, just come to see me everyday and let me remind you how much I care."

Eli lifted Punchinello off the bench and set him on the ground.

"Remember," Eli said as the Wemmick walked out the door. "You are special because I made you. And I don't make mistakes."

Punchinello didn't stop, but in his heart he thought, "I think he really means it."

And when he did, a dot fell to the ground.

(for Jessica)

God's Promises

You said, "It's impossible."
He said, ' All things are possible.' (Lk. 18:27)

You said, "I'm too tired."
He said, ' I will give you rest.' (Mt.11:28-30)

You said, "Nobody really loves me."
He said, 'I love you.' (Jn 3:16)

You said, "I can't go on."
He said, ' My grace is sufficient.' (II Cor. 12:19)

You said, "I can't figure things out."
He said, 'I will direct your steps.' (Prov. 20:24)

You said, "I can't do it."
He said, ' You can do all things.' (Phil 4:13)

You said, "I'm not able."
He said, 'I am able.' (II Cor. 9:8)

You said, "It's not worth it."
He said, 'It will be worth it.' (Rom. 8:28)

"I can't forgive myself."
I forgive you. (I Jn. 1:9 & Rom. 8:1)

"I can't manage."
I will supply all your need. (Phil. 4:19)

"I'm afraid."
I have not given you a spirit of fear. (II Tim. 1:7)

"I'm always worried and frustrated."
Cast all your cares on Me. (I Pet. 5:7)

"I don't have enough faith."
I've given everyone a measure of faith. (Rom. 12:8)

"I'm not smart enough."
I give you wisdom. (I Cor. 1:30)

"I feel all alone."
I will never leave you or forsake you. (Heb. 13:5)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The grass withers, the flower fades,
but the word of our God stands forever."
Isaiah 40:8

for Florence

Friend

A friend is someone who truly cares,
A friend is someone who's always there,
A friend will be there in times of woe,
Talking, laughing, and sometime letting go,
Times alone we sometimes need,
But coming back we will do indeed,
There may be times we may not agree,
For you are you and I am me,
We may argue because of that fact,
But our power of friendship will bring us back,
Cause the love in our hearts we feel inside,
Is not something we would ever hide,
So come to me in times of need,
Cause you my dear always have a friend in me.

for Sharmaine

When I Say "I Am A Christian"

by Carol Wimmer

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I am saved"
I'm whispering "I get lost!"
"That is why I chose this way."

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need someone to be my guide.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and pray for strength to carry on.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and cannot ever pay the debt.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect.
My flaws are too visible but God believes I'm worth it.
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartaches which is why I seek His name.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I do not wish to judge.
I have no authority.
I only know I'm loved.

for Cindy

Instructions For Life

Do not undermine your worth
by comparing yourself with others.
It is because we are different
that each of us is special.

Do not set your goals
by what other people deem important.
Only you know
what is best for you.

Do not take for granted
the things closest to your heart.
Cling to them as you would your life,
for without them,
life is meaningless.

Do not let your life
slip through your fingers
by living in the past
nor for the future.
By living your life one day at a time,
you live all the days of your life.

Do not give up
when you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over
until the moment you stop trying.
It is a fragile thread
that binds us to each other.

Do not be afraid to encounter risks.
It is by taking chances
that we learn how to be brave.

Do not shut love out of your life
by saying it is impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love
is to give love;
The fastest way to lose love
is to hold it too tightly.

Do not dismiss your dreams.
To be without dreams
is to be without hope;
To be without hope
is to be without purpose.

Do not run through life
so fast that you forget
not only where you have been,
but also where you are going.

Life is not a race,
but a journey
to be savored
each step of the way.