Hope

This is an unusual time for me to write, but this is my transition "light" period into NIE. The lecturers assured us this is the only light week, so i better treasure it.

From this vantage point (today is NTU flag day, no lessons), I remember,


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...The time i first returned to school for an addition one month. And finding out I have to teach a class full time, together with all the many duties of a form teacher, when the other contract teacher will just do relief and go home at 1pm everyday. Why do i always get the more work plus more scolding? Somehow when I leave a job, pple always have a hard time replacing me, (nothing to do with my ability, tho), and then I have to do all the squeeze out the handover, kind of thing. This is the 3rd time already.

Anyway, I find out wat a trememdouly bad attitude i have, seeing the injustice made me feel like skiving off for the month, except i keep remembering it won't b fair to the kids, and they're already so weak as it it.

Turns out I had to prepare them for common tests, school events, etc


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...and then the weekend before the last week in school, thinking of wanting to end things properly, wanting to show the kids something nice before i leave...

and then on tue, with just three days to go, principal had to give me this huge insult first, parting gift, i suppose. she said 2 parents complained abt me, din just get to the point, wat the things i'm supposed to have done wrong, instead spent 15 mins telling me how rotten i am, how both she and the parents wished i was gone, (yes, those were the words she used). And THEN she decided to get more factual. Turned out half the things weren't true anyway, the rest were mainly miscommunication, only one or two things were my mistake, couldn't she have found out the facts first?

Anyway, I've lost all respect for her. Who would threaten a two or three month greenhorn with termination just because she didn't take enough care to make a particular phonecall? Someone who regularly threatens to kick students out of school for normal misdeavours, who threatens her staff with D grades before finding out who's at fault, i suppose.

I suppose she could see there wasn't either fear or apology in my face, only the look of someone hoping she'll finish soon, so i can get off asap, that's why she went on and on for so long.

Aft leaving her office, i was left with one goal for the next few days. To get out of her school. No more care about leaving the kids with something nice or anything like that. Just make sure I've done all that's within my duty, and get out as soon as possible, and celebrate. Which person in her right mind wants pple to leave their company that way? I pity my kids for being in her school. She has certainly threatened them saying the school doesn't want them. On a roughly monthly basis.

the day i left, there were no nostalgic feelings, just relief. She has chased it all out. If that was the typical spirit of the school, i certainly want no part in it. From now on I'm praying, pls pray with me, that i never never have to step into her school again.


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...sitting on my bed, counting my blessings. A happy, healthy family. My spiritual family. Good health and hope for the future. And a great, great God who gave me all these blessings. I'm very, very blessed.


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before school ended, i bought a new bag. it's simple, but i like simple things. i left it on my table, and in the next few terrible days before i couldn get out of the school, i looked at it, and it seemed to symbolise a new beginning. I was going to use it immediately aft leaving the school.

that sat, i took that bag to church. I saw someone who came back into my life. It seemed to be something God was saying to me. I've been through nothing compared to pple who have really suffered, but this half year was the worst, the longest, since I was 18. I really want a new beginning. Not a new life, I already have the new life, but a new season.


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...jess asked me, since i was going to NIE and it's supposed to be a honeymoon period, do i plan to do anything. She wants me to join a dance class with her, i think, but i can't dance.

I dun think I'm going to ever be very free, not like in NUS days, at least not til i retire or lose my job, or in eternity... but i dun think pple will think abt whether they're busy or not then... but i do have my own plans... haha, actually they're always the same ones. To spend more time with God, more time with pple i love, and this time something else, but that's a secret, :>, at least for a little while.

yep, and i'm going to try Choi's advice, not to leave deadlines for til last min... possible?

Have done a little shifting from my other blog. A few entries I wrote when I first came to the school, for Haz in case she wants to read.

And a few of the other things I din noe who really to share to at that point in time.

And a few blog letters to JY that were not so personal. So if anyone comes across something addressed to some mysterious person, that's prob the case.

It feels good to have done something you were kind of dreading. Not talking abt blog of course. :>. But it feels to get things over and done with, like burning bridges, then at least you dun keep worrying abt them anymore. That's why i was in a good mood to update this blog. Dun worry, it's some little thing i'm crapping abt.

10 more days to the countdown, not including weekends.

14 more, even including weekends, isn't that great? :> oops, i forgot to mark an X on my calendar today...